Belleh montage coming . . .

Woot! In a flash of brilliance last night, I remembered I'd last had my camera when I went to Red Rock at Thanksgiving time. Lo and behold, I looked in the pocket of the coat I'd been wearing that afternoon, and bingo! My camera!

So, tonight, I'll hopefully work up the motivation to compose an entry with my various belleh pictures thus far. Mostly cause I myself am quite curious. I looked at a picture from Thanksgiving time, and compared to how I look now, I didn't even look prego then. Well, maybe a little I did. But it's nothing compared to the huge-osity (yes, I make the words up as I go along) of my tum these days.

T minus 90 days!

So today officially marks three months left until Baby Bones makes his grand appearance! I am now two days into my third trimester, and baby has graduated to the size of a head of cauliflower.

[As an aside, these produce comparisons are really annoying. Who the heck has a cauliflower that's bigger than an eggplant? Is there some reason why, in every grocery store I've ever been, the cauliflower is smaller than the eggplant? Seriously, I am so confused. Perhaps I live in a climate where cauliflower doesn't grow as well as it does elsewhere? And for whatever reason, eggplants are far more prodigious?]

In any event, that's the produce of the week, and lil' Swimmy will weigh in at about 2.5 pounds by the end of the week.

Also this week, studies have shown that Swimmy will start having different sleep cycles--meaning he's dreaming in utero. Which is a really odd thing for me to consider. I wonder what he thinks about in there?

Christmas this year was really really great. Even though we were sans family (which was not really great), there were lots of presents for the swimster under the tree, which made me excited about future Christmases. And that made me enjoy this one even more. The best part of the day, though, was watching the dog go apoplectic about a remote control helicopter I got Sean. She did not like that toy. Not one bit. The fur on the back of her neck stood on end, and she barked like barking was going out of style. Poor pup was petrified. And I am not a nice dog mom. Seeing my dog's displeasure, did I turn the helicopter off? No. I laughed at the dog's misery and continued to fly. Hope the maternal instinct kicks on before Swimmy arrives, and I'm not laughing at my baby's discomfiture as well. **Fingers crossed.**

More later in the week should I work up the motivation. Would post pictures from the holidays but my camera has sneaked off somewhere, and I can't track it down.

Holiday greetings from me and my cucumber baby!

Hello friends of the internets,

This week, the 27th week of my knockedup-edness, baby is the length of a cucumber (which, quite honestly, seems smaller to me than the previous weeks' eggplant status, but who am I to question these things?). He will also weigh in at just above two pounds at the end of the week. Wow.

Things that are happening with lil' swimmy this week: his hearing continues to develop. Even though the sounds he hears are muffled (duh), he may be able to recognize Sean and my voices (which is why I am always coaxing Sean to talk to my belleh). His taste buds are forming, too. In fact, he has more taste buds now than he will have at birth, and he can actually taste differences in the amniotic fluid based upon what I eat (which lately, appears to be most everything).

Speaking of eating, I am a HUNGRY lady. Like really hungry all the time. Lately, I've been craving all manner of citrus fruit. Oranges, and clementines, and tangerines- oh my! Really trying to be conscious of my food choices as my weight gain tends toward the heavier side of the recommended amount, but seriously, it's hard what with all the holiday yummies all around. Although I make a concerted effort to not eat like a total hoss, I do enjoy a tasty morsel now and then (read: every day).

I am looking forward to this pregnancy being over and getting my more active lifestyle back. I miss running. A lot. Lately, even extensive walking makes me winded. Probably cause my uterus has expanded to the size of a basketball (and that's what it looks like I'm hiding under my shirt), and it's crushing my lungs. Seriously, it's hard to breath. Anyway, enough whining.

So that's my story gfor this week. OH! I almost forgot. We're in double digit mode until we meet Mr. Swimmy McSwimster. 94 DAYS! Woot!

Tum ta tum tum TUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM

seriously, you guys, my heart is on fire.

i would advise investing in stock of tums, as i am currently ingesting the maximum safe quantity because it feels as though, from breastbone to throat, i am on fire.

stupid stupid heart burn.

it's one of the curses of pregnancy. that, and the fact that as you get bigger, the baby squashes your stomach, and you can't eat very much in one sitting. it's a sad thing. cause this momma is HONGRY, ya'll.

more later.

momma j out.

Double the eggplant, double the fun.

Well, here's my excuse for a two-week delay in updating: baby has been the size of an eggplant during both week 25 and this week, so there was no point for two updates, right? Right? Baby is growing, growing, growing in there. He will be two pounds by the end of the week! TWO POUNDS! I too am growing, growing these days. Here's a recent prego photo:



My sources (i.e. the interwebs) tell me that my uterus is now the size of a soccer ball! And, we went in for a doctor's appointment last week, and I've officially gained twenty pounds. So much for my hopes of only gaining twenty-five throughout this pregnancy. Oh well, you know what? It's the holidays, and no one can call a pregnant lady fat without looking like an a-hole, so I'm going to enjoy myself. Besides, I still go to the gym or walk at least five times a week, so it's not like I'm a total couch potato.

Speaking of doctor's appointments, like I said, we went in last week for a checkup, as I'm still having some issues (my body apparently doesn't want to cooperate with this whole pregnancy business- but don't worry, everything appears to be just fine). Anyhow, the ultrasound technician did a whole study of baby, and it's confirmed that he is indeed a he, and he looks great. Really great. He has unusually long arms and legs (which is no big surprise). He was opening and closing his mouth for us like a little fish, which being exceptionally hormonal, made me cry. We got this amazing picture of him:



Unfortunately, I can't figure out how to rotate the photo, so you'll just have to work with me and tip your head to the side a bit :)

Only 14 weeks and 4 days to go~ YAY! Sean and my next step: decide which childbirth classes to take. I am leaning toward Bradley classes--mostly for selfish reasons. I usually have such an awful (read: nauseating) experience with painkillers, that I'm going to try to have this baby the natural way. I know, I know, you don't get any prizes for going without drugs, but I couldn't even manage the vicodin when I had my wisdom teeth removed. I can't imagine what an epidural would do to me. That said, if it gets really really bad, I am not going to beat myself up for using pain meds. I guess I won't know until I'm in the situation. So for now, I'd like to prepare myself for all possibilities and try to have this baby the natural way. Any thoughts or comments?

BOOOOOOORING

So I have reached the point where I'm bored with this whole pregnancy thing. The baby's arrival is still 4 months away, and it seems like I have been pregnant forever. I mean, I know it hasn't really been forever, but 6 months feels like a long time to me. I am kind of sick of thinking about all things pregnancy-related, am nauseated at the idea of being huge and round for another 16 weeks, and am darn tired of having the least exciting social life ever. I mean, who wants to spend New Year's Eve with a sober basketball with legs? Not me, that's who.

Sean's a good sport, and he's very encouraging- always telling me how pretty I still am (liar) and making nice with my tum. But I wonder how long that will last. I mean, eventually he's gonna get sick of it too. I mean, I'd be annoyed if Sean all of a sudden packed on 20-30 pounds and started being a giant emotional stick in the mud. What? I'm just being honest.

So that's where I'm today. Maybe it's a tritophan hangover or mashed potato and gravy overload. I don't know. I do know that I would like to sock all those women who think pregnancy is this great glorious sunshine and puppies, rainbows and ice cream sort of experience. Blow it out your butt, I would say to them. [Sorry, dear readers, if any of you happen to be that sort of woman- know that I'm just a bitter round person].

I'd love to tell you about the baby this week, but I just don't have the energy to force excitement about it at the moment. Give me twenty minutes. I'm sure the emotional roller coaster I'm on will have me in a different mood by then.

T minus one month til the last trimester

Folks, we are seriously in the business of being pregnant. Baby is now officially 22 weeks and 2 days old. I'm in my 23rd week of pregnancy, and there are only 17 weeks to go. Time is a funny thing. It seems to go so slowly most times, and then, when you take a moment to consider it, poof! Nearly six months have gone by.

I am getting quite round these days. I think Sean is definitely still adjusting to seeing me look like this, and I'm not quite sure whether he's amused, perplexed, or what. I myself am ready to be done with all this roundness and have my normal shape back. You know, I was just telling a girlfriend today that I have never thought of myself as particularly trim, but I was looking through baby bump pictures from early in my pregnancy, and boy, I tell you what: I would give my right arm to have that body again now. Just goes to show what a little perspective will do for you.

However, I am mindful that as my body grows, so does little Swimmy. So I'm willing to sacrifice vanity in the name of a healthy baby for at least a few more months. In the meantime, I will do a belly picture post soon so ya'll can check out my round-osity for yourselves.

Speaking of baby, this week, depending on which website you go by, baby is either the size of a papaya (feel like we already had this one before), a large mango (know we had this one before), or a doll (weird). He's a little over a pound, and he's about 11 inches long. He will begin to grow exponentially this month. Within four weeks' time, his weight will have doubled (let's hope mine doesn't follow suit). He's actually big enough now to be able to hear his heartbeat with a stethascope. I actually bought an app for my iphone that works like a stethascope through the phone's microphone and speaker system, and I'm pretty sure I heard baby thump, thump, thumping in there, but I can't be sure cause Sean and Phin were wiggling all around. So it could have been dog/husband I was hearing. Will listen again and update you soon. I know you're all practically holding your breath you're so excited.

Guess that's all for now. More when something exciting happens. Oh, next prenatal appointment is next Thursday.

Worries, Flatulence, and Other Scary Topics

Lately, I am consumed with worry. Ok, ok, Sean, I will be honest: I am always consumed with worry. But seriously, you guys, this time it's really bad. Here's what's eating this knocked up wife. Two weeks ago, I had some abdominal pains. So, being the worry wart I am, I called my doctor for some reassurance. His staff told me to come on in for an exam. Everything appeared to be going just swimmingly (ha! get it?), and I was sent along my way with strict instructions to go home and rest and not go to the gym for a few days. I complied, though honestly, I need my little exercise. Makes me feel better about myself. Even if the scale keeps creeping (not so slowly) upward.

Anyway, the next day I head to work, and I feel that same abdominal pain again. Worried, I head to the bathroom, where I discover that the pain is merely gas. GAS. Are you freaking kidding me?! I went to an emergency doctor visit cause I had to toot. Super. Well, it turns out, gas is no joke when you're pregnant. I have never ever felt pain like that before. It was like I could feel the gas IN MY ARM PIT! It was truly one of the most excrutiating feelings ever. I'm sure the old husband loved it as well.

So, yeah. There's my embarrassing story for you.

In other news, Mr. Swimmy is the size of a spaghetti squash this week. Which, while not so very delectable, is HUGE. I believe that he tops the scales at nearly a full pound this week. That's like a box of sugar. Pick one up next time you're in the grocery store, and imagine that rolling around and doing aerobics in your belly. Pretty amazing. Especially because it was so tiny just a few months ago. Literally just a ball of cells in July.

Anyway, all appears to be sailing smoothly for the moment. The one thing I'm looking forward to is Thanksgiving. Maternity pants = a fat girl's new BFF.

The Twentieth Week (even if I am a teensy bit late)

Last week was a very exciting week for us. We had our second trimester anatomy scan, and we found out that our little alien is a baby boy alien. We're thinking we're going to name him Christopher Scott, and we'll call him Scott. Or Christopher. But I think Scott. Sean keeps joking that I'm going to waffle back and forth until the child is actually born. He's probably right. Either way, baby Jones will be named after my father, Scott, and Sean's father, Christopher.

This week baby bones is the size of a small canteloupe--speaking of which, this is the last week baby Jones will be measured with his crown to rump length. Starting later this week, baby's little legs will start stretching out, and he'll be measured from head to feet.

Apparently our little guy is bigger than usually- well, longer than usual, I should say. This doesn't really surprise me given Sean's height and my family's height. Lots of girls tell me I'm tall, but I'm actually the shrimpy of my family. My parents and sister (and my maternal grandparents) were all very tall. I am more like my paternal grandmother's size, though I believe she was more petite than I. The ultrasound technician didn't really seem too surprised by baby Jones' size though--once she had a look at Sean, who is very tall indeed.

For me emotionally and physically, I feel great. My baby bump is starting to show, making me look far less chunky and far more pregnant, which I am loving. Emotionally, it's exciting to be halfway done with my pregnancy. I am very much looking forward to meet little Mr. Jones (though please, no early appearances--I'd like to avoid any preterm labor).

That's all for now. Oh, and as punishment for my dilatory blog postings, there will be another embarrassing story for you all to enjoy later this week. Sigh. Story of my life these days.

Serious Lack of Focus

We have our second trimester ultrasound today at 115. I can't focus at all. I keep thinking about whether we'll find out the gender! C'mon Swimmy- do your stuff!

Please send me all your focus mojo. I can't seem to get Swimmy off the brain. Probably why I usually schedule these appointments for first thing in the morning.

Maybe the mango ate your baby?

Oh how I love a little Seinfeld. You guessed it: this week, Swimmy is the size of a mango. S/he is about six inches long and eight ounces or so in weight. Arms and legs are finally in proportion to the rest of Swimmy's body, and a protective coating called vernix caseosa covers Swimmy's skin. Most websites describe this coating as "cheese-like" which is more than a little gross. Evidently, this coating will keep Swimmy from getting all pruny whilst enjoying his/her nine month spa treatment in utero.

As for me, I continue to feel Swimmy's movements (at least I think that's what I'm feeling). A new added pleasure: leg cramps that wake me up from a dead sleep. It's like when I used to wear too-high heels to work. Lately, I have fallen victim to the deadly loafer, and I stand a mere 5'8". Sad, but true. I have zero motivation to wear heels.

Mostly things are progressing in a very same old, same old way. And I don't mind at all.

But, I am most excited because on WEDNESDAY we find out whether our little Swimster is a boy or a girl. And I can. not. contain. my. excitement. More from me Wednesday night.

Mama Jones out.

An Ode to Pregnancy Meltdowns

So there we were, husband and I, driving along the Hana Highway in our rented convertible with the top down. We had everything we needed for a perfect cruise of the road to Hana: picnic lunch--check; sunscreen--check; sunglasses--check; tasty snacks and beverages for the road--check; CD guide with lots of historical and geological information about the area that I had researched thoroughly to make sure we got just the right one--check.

We're driving along and I go to put the CD in the player. It seems to not want to go in, so I take it out, slightly frustrated, and try again. This time the CD goes in. Except it's not all the way in. I can see its edge poking out the insert slot. Of course, it's not out enough to grab and try again. And it's not in enough to play. The radio display reads "MECHANICAL ERROR." No kidding.

So, what is the logical reaction? To cry of course. And struggle to make the radio do something, anything. No luck. Struggle, struggle, struggle, cry, cry, cry. Husband pulls the car over to help on the side of the highway. The tears are pouring out now, and I'm breathing that can't-catch-your-breath-because-you're-crying-too-hard sob, and poor husband is looking at me like I am total psycho (at this point, it's not far from the truth), and he's trying to calm me down, while at the same time trying to either push the CD in or pull it out. All to no avail.

Again, what is the logical response? To continue wailing and hit the door of the car? Well, I certainly thought so. Just as I had finished my physical assault on the car door, what happens? The CD pops out? Not exactly.

I look to my left, and there are the Maui police, looking at me and asking if everything is ok. Oh my gosh. It's like I could finally see myself for the crazed woman I'd become, and I was mortified. The tears continued as I attempted to assure the policemen that yes, in fact, I was ok, no, my husband was not assaulting me, and I was simply having a pregnant meltdown and was overreacting to the fullest degree of overreaction. I have never been more appalled and mortified by my own behavior, and honestly, in the moment, I had not even been aware of what a monster I'd turned into.

After the police left (not often I have to say that), the husband used his Swiss army knife to retrieve the CD and reload it. It worked like a charm.

Sigh.

Avocadoes, Sweet Potatoes, and Canteloupes, OH MY! My body is a regular farmer's market.

Sorry blogosphere,

I have neglected you for nearly a week and a half. And I do sincerely regret it. But I was in Hawaii, basking in tropical sunshine. I didn't want anything to do with typing or thinking or anything along those lines. Can you blame me? I mean, there were sea turtles to be snorkled with! And virgin mai tais to be drunk! And sand to burn my toes on! And lava flows to be viewed!

Weeks 16 and 17 were, therefore, quite wonderful weeks. The husband and I enjoyed a little babymoon on the Big Island and Maui. And it may have been the best vacation I've ever taken. Top three at a minimum.

Swimmy continued his/her growing and topped out at avocado size (which I may or may not have mentioned in my last post). S/he also is starting to build up fat stores on his/her body. In fact, fat will make up 2/3 of Swimmy's body weight when s/he is born. Incroyable! Also, his/her hearing continues to develop (in fact, I read that babies who hear barking in utero will be able to sleep through barking later). Let's hope that's true. Miss Phineas loves to yap at passers-by while sitting guard on the arm chair. What a ferocious beast. Also, during these next few weeks, Swimmy's fingerprints and toe prints are developing. S/he is becoming her very own little person. Much less alien, much more baby.

During week 17, s/he will top out at sweet potato size. My uterus appears to be strolling the produce section as well. By the end of this week, it'll be the size of a canteloupe. Which is saying something given its original fist-sized origins.

The most remarkable change in me has been my appetite--which has become insatiable. Seriously, I am a one-woman eating machine. Always hungry. And I definitely think I can maybe feel Swimmy moving around in there. Which is truly one of the coolest feelings I've ever had.

Oh! And to make up for my dilatory blogging, I promise you a tale of intrigue, excitement, and pregnancy-induced psychosis for your reading pleasure tomorrow. I know you can all barely contain your excitement.

In the meantime, check out this article, which links to a study suggesting that light to moderate drinking may actually be ok during pregnancy. Fascinating.

Alien Baby

We had another prenatal appointment this morning. The husband and I are leaving for Hawaii (!!) on Wednesday at the crack o' dawn, and the doctor wanted to see us before we left so he could check on everything and send me to the great tropical beyond with my chart. Just in case.

And, I'm happy to report, everything is just great. Swimmy's heart was beating right around 155 bpm, and s/he was wiggling all over my stomach again. It was hard for the nurse to keep a handle on the heartbeat with the doppler.

Doc also checked my placenta (is it really the baby's placenta?), and everything appears to be normal there too. Because he wanted to have a look at the placenta, we got an extra ultrasound (yay!), and I was really hoping we'd be able to tell whether it was a boy or girl. The doctor, though, isn't nearly as good at the ultrasound machine as the technician is. So, we still got to see the little nugget. But no word yet whether said nugget is of the male or female varietal. Above is the alien picture (don't know why the spine says alien to me, but it does), and here's a side view of Little Swimmy. As an aside, the pictures are crummy cause they are pictures of pictures taken with my phone. It will have to do though as that is the extent of my technological savvy.



Also, for those of you keeping track via produce, this week Swimmy is the size of an avocado, which makes me want to make guacamole. Also this week, the bones in Swimmy's ears are hardening, and s/he can hear when I speak. So cool. Also, even though his/her eyes are still fused shut, s/he can sense light, so if I were to shine a flashlight at my tum, Swimmy would move away.

Orange you glad I didn't forget to post?

OK,OK. I know that this post is technically late given that Ol' Swimmy and I are starting week 16 today (in other words, baby's gestational age is now 15 weeks, 0 days today), but let's just pretend it's still last week, mmmkay? Don't let the counting confuse you. It's tricky. So for anyone who asks, I'm 15 weeks along, but I'm actually in my 16th week of pregnancy. Clear as mud? Well, here's another thing: pregnancy lasts nine months, no? Well how come it's forty weeks? My (fairly remedial) math tells me that forty divided by four is ten, not nine. Oh, confusing counting--there must be a simpler way. Though doctors kinda sorta have to count this way though because there's really no telling when Little Swimmy was conceived exactly (sorry for the TMI, mom). So, that's that.

More about last week. Swimmy was the size of a large navel orange, which is practically a billion times larger than s/he was at week 6 when s/he was just a tiny rice-sized blob of cells without even a placenta to call home. Not to mention tasty--the orange, not the baby. More on that in a minute. It's astounding to me how fast babies develop. Last week Swimmy developed the ability to breath, suck, and swallow, and s/he'll continue to practice those skills for his or her big debut in March. Also Swimmy's getting quite adept at his/her water aerobics, flipping and turning, and swimming like nobody's business in there. Lastly, Swimmy's lookin' more like a baby and less like an alien now. The ears are properly positioned on his or her little head, and s/he's gonna look positively baby-like on the ultrasound on the 27th. It's amazing how much I look forward to ultrasounds and a little glimpse inside my (rapidly-exapanding) uterus at our baby. It never fails to bring tears to this hormonal lady's eyes.

As for me, last week, I felt good. Really good. Almost normal. My energy levels have soared in the last two weeks, and I don't dread dragging myself to the gym for a little walk. In fact, last week, I was so motivated, I took two yoga classes, modifying them with all the requisite prenatal changes. It felt really good to stretch and move. Two days later, however, I was cursing that yoga teacher all over town because I. was. s-o-r-e! Ridiculous. Evidently some of those muscles hadn't been dusted off in about two months. It wasn't a bad sore; it actually felt really good. (So, please don't worry anyone, I'm not overdoing it. In fact, my OB works out at my gym, so I'm sure he'd scold me if he saw me doing anything ridiculous). As an aside, it's quite awkward to see your OBGYN at the gym. It's like worlds colliding.

I don't appear to be gaining too much weight. The goal now is one pound per week (or so), and I am enjoying every moment of eating. I try and eat healthy things--in fact, salads taste really good to me right now. And fruit. And pickles. Oh man, do I love pickles. The other day, I had Life cereal followed by pickles for breakfast. Sweet followed by salty. Breakfast o' champions, no? I do allow myself to indulge a little bit too. My favorite not-so-healthy snacks these days: tootsie rolls, cow butts (those little bullseye looking things with caramel on the outside and cream in the middle), and mentos. Oh, what I would do for a strawberry mentos. Yes, I know candy's not a food group, but a little won't kill me. Or Little Swimmy. In fact, it's kind of fun to eat sugar because I can feel Swimmy flutter around in there. The feeling is getting more pronounced, and I really can't wait until it can be felt from the outside so the hubs can feel him or her squiggle around in there, too.

Well, speaking of hubs, I can hear him pulling in the driveway with my decaf pumpkin spice latte. (He is seriously the best husband in the world). So, it's time to sign off and go enjoy a cup of fall goodness.

Second Trimester and other lemon-y goodness.

So this week, we had our 14-week visit with senor doctor, and the husband and I were quite excited about the possibility of maybe finding out Little Swimmy's gender. So, I had a nice balanced breakfast of pizza lean pocket (don't judge me) and a big ol' glass of orange juice. A friend at work told me that a little O.J. goes a long way to making baby wiggle and (hopefully) spread his or her legs so we could tell what gender s/he is.

Unfortunately for us, there was no ultrasound. Baby is big enough to hear his or her heartbeat via doppler, and evidently it's not good practice to ultrasound unnecessarily. Good medical advice, annoying for Mom and Dad (that's us- still sounds so weird to say). The O.J. did the trick though because Little Swimmy was a-wriggling all over my tummy this morning. Felt a little bad for the woman cause she had to keep jostling the doppler to a fro to get a heartbeat.

Swimmy is growing at an amazing rate. S/he is now the size of a lemon! That's a far cry from the grain of rice s/he was only 8 weeks ago. It's seriously amazing to think about. Mom is growing too- still not really showing- mostly looking like I should lay off the donuts. I have gained 5 pounds since becoming pregnant. Sigh. Am now officially the heaviest I've ever been. Like, in my entire life. I have to keep reminding myself the reason why I'm gaining weight. I'm eating well, and not totally porking out, and the doctor says my weight gain is very normal. Now I just need to learn to quit beating myself up about it. Easier said than done, I assure you.

We will have our second trimester (!!) ultrasound on October 27, and at that time, they will check to make sure all Swimmy's pieces parts are in order and functioning, and (hopefully) they will be able to tell what gender our little peanut is too.

Lastly, I think I might have felt Swimmy flutter yesterday. I can't be 100% sure (given that I've nothing to compare the feeling to), but it wasn't a hunger pang, and it wasn't gas. It was this weird feeling like a fish was in my stomach, swimming up against my insides. Weird but amazing. I can't wait til the husband can feel Swimmy moving from the outside.

Just peachy- week 13

I am woefully behind in the wide world of blogging. And dear reader(s), I apologize. (Are there more than one of you anyway? I've no idea, frankly. I could very well just be writing for myownself).

Well, in this week 13, I am starting to have a wee bit o' baby bump. I will officially be done with my first trimester on Saturday, and I am quite thrilled! Less risk! More chances of meeting my little peanut! In other news, morning sickness appears to be well behind me, and (joy of joys) I am starting to feel less tired all the time. Huzzah to feeling like myself again! Woot!

In little swimmy's life, things are a-changing like nobody's business. Swimmy is starting to be able to make noise, and his or her reflexes are starting to work. Swimmy can open and close his or her little hands, and apparently, he or she will respond should I poke and prod my abdomen (don't worry, I won't). Swimmy's about the size of a peach this week, which still seems really small, but he or she will begin growing by leaps and bounds during the second trimester.

As far as I go, there is definitely more of me to love at this point. My belly is starting to bulge out, and although I haven't really gained too much weight, my clothes are getting exceptionally snug in the waist-al region. Like cutting off circulation to my brain wish I had a larger size sort of snug. Sigh. Yet, maternity clothes are just still too big for me. Methinks it's time to invest in the belly band. It's basically just the bottom of a camisole and you wear it over your button and zipper area of your pants so that you don't have to button or zip your drawers to keep them up. So, yeah. Target, here I come.

In other news, we have our next prenatal visit next Wednesday, and I am so excited to see little Swimmy next week. How I love visiting with little Swimmy.

Eleven Weeks

So, this week begins the final countdown of the first trimester. Little swimmy is the size of a large lime this week, and he or she will begin to grow exponentially in the next couple of weeks now that we're officially out of the embryonic stage and into the fetal stage.

I myself am (knock on wood) feeling less morning sickness these days, though I still wonder where the hell I put my get up and go. It is incredible how exhausted I am all of the time. It's like I've been working out like mad. I just want to sleep. Lately, I've even taken to an hour nap during my lunch break, which is more than a little pathetic. Mostly the only nausea I feel is if I go too long in between meals. My stomach gets p!ssed off and let's me know that, hey, it's freaking time to eat. We're starving in here. Ok, ok. Don't get your panties in a bunch. Down the ol' hatch.

We had another ultrasound last week, and little swimmy was wiggling all over in there, flailing his or her little arm buds all around. Must like English muffins and strawberry jam. What can I say, he or she has good taste. The ultrasound technician said everything looks ok. As you can see from the picture above, baby has a giant head (any of you who know the hubs and I know where this comes from- we both have fiveheads), little arm bods, and what looks like a pea pod for a lower half. All in all, it sort of looks like a little chicken tender to me. Mmm. Chicken tenders.

The only weird thing about the ultrasound is they had to do it internally again. BLAH. File this under questions you don't want asked before 9 am: "Are you allergic to latex?" Sigh, no. Apparently, I've got quite a tippy uterus. Awesome. Hopefully I don't wind up with a baby bump coming out of my back. Wouldn't that be tricky to shop for?

Ten Weeks!

Well, I am officially 1/4 of the way through this pregnancy! This week, baby is the size of a small plum (or a kumquat, depending on who you ask). I am starting to show a little bit. Not so that you'd notice unless I were in a bikini, and even then, it probably looks more like I need lay off the donuts than it does i've got a (cinnamon?) bun in the oven. Physically, the morning sickness is still there (joy!)- on the plus side, though, I read that women who experience morning sickness are less likely to miscarry. So I keep reminding myself that it's really a good thing. I am also EXHAUSTED. Like, sleep for 9 hours and can't pry my eyelids open in the morning exhausted. Today it was so bad, I actually had a nap at lunch. I feel better now- less tired, less pukey- so hopefully it will be a productive afternoon for me.

In honor of week ten, I have composed a top ten list of ways I am making this a healthy pregnancy:

1- Quit smoking, quit drinking. These are pretty much no brainers, but apparently, not all women feel this is truly necessary.

2- Take a prenatal vitamin every morning. I am also starting to take DHA as well to help little swimmy's developing brain. You know, cause I can't stand the smell of fish lately.

3- Eat boat loads of fruit. I can't seem to stomach too many veggies (unless of course they are marinated in balsamic and grilled), but I can't get enough fruit. I crave it! Especially white grapes. Oh lord, the things I'll do for white grapes.

4- Milk. I'm not usually a milk drinker, but between the daily yogurt and sometimes bowl of cereal, this child will have strong bones, by golly.

5- Exercise. I have been trying to get at least 4 (usually 5 days) of exercise in a week. I usually do walking at an incline or the elliptical for 35-40 minutes and also some weights. Some women swear this helps during labor. I sure hope so. Next up: finding a prenatal yoga class.

6- Water. I am, as a general rule, a diet coke junkie. However, once I found out I was knocked up, I switched to water. Although it doesn't really help with my frequent trips to the loo, I am surely well hydrated. It is also super yummy with lemon- which fingers crossed will help with the bloat. Yes, that's still there.

7- Fiber. God bless fiber one cereal. I was so miserable and constipated (sorry, TMI, I know), and with my recent to aversion to all things vegetable (except for the daily glass of V8), there was no relief in sight. Until I discovered the joy of fiber one. I tend to munch on the cereal bars, as I'm usually rushing out the door in the am, but the cereal's pretty yummy too.

8- Moisturize. I am purchasing some baby oil and cocoa butter this evening to moisturize my ever expanding chest and tummy in the hopes that I'll keep the stretch marks at bay.

9- Less processed foods. I've been reading about how baby's palate is formed during their time in the womb, and I'm trying to teach my little swimmy all the joys of naturally occurring foods. If only I could have my taste for veggies back, I'd be all set.

10- Sleep. Lots. And lots. In fact, I'm looking forward to not needing quite so much. I could use my get up and go.

Martini baby

This week is a very big week for little swimmy. Not only is he or she the size of a green olive (prompting the husband to immediately dub him or her "martini baby"), but also swimmy will go from being a reptilian-looking embryo to a more human-looking fetus. Go little swimmy!

As for me, I made my very first excursion into the maternity clothes section this weekend. Well, before that happened, I experienced what can only be classified as a Def-Con 5 Hormonal Meltdown, wherein I was screaming, crying, and flailing about for really no reason at all. Not really no reason. I only had one pair of shorts that fit my ever-expanding waistline. And for a woman with some body issues, this is not a good feeling.

Anyhow, the husband responded very kindly and suggested we go to the mall to find me some fat people (aka pregnant lady) clothes. WOW. Let me tell you- God bless the person who invented the elastic waistband. I have never been happier. AND, you get to buy clothes based upon your pre-pregnancy size! So while I am not exactly showing, I feel nothing but sweet, sweet relief in my giant pants. Also, the husband is thoroughly amused by the belly portion of the pants. Sheesh.

Morning Sickness

OMG, people. Morning sickness is for real.

This morning, I was just sitting at my desk working away, when I began to feel like a sneeze was coming on. And then it wasn't. You know that feeling, don't you, when a sneeze gets stuck? Awful. Except then I thought maybe I might be sick, so I decided to just put my head down for a minute. Then the nausea really came on, and I (more or less) ran down the hallway, praying that I'd make it to the bathroom before any cookies were tossed.

Thankfully, I did. But what an awful experience. I am just grateful that afterward, I felt more or less human again.

Truly hope this doesn't become an everyday thing. Goodness.

Holy boobs, batman!

Ok, so yesterday I broke down and went to Target to buy a couple of new bras. MY BOOBS ARE FREAKING HUGE. I mean, they have never been small, but they are blowing up! As I know they will only continue growing throughout my pregnancy, I am concerned I will run out of sizes in bras. Do they make an E sized bra? They must, right?

The only one who's happy about this is the husband. Unfortunately for him, they are quite painful. So there's a full-fledged look-but-don't-even-think-about-touching policy in place.

Poor bastard.

Our freaking air conditioner broke this weekend. Curse our stupid landlord and his property management company and their slow @ss AC contractor who doesn't have the right parts in his truck! We're going on 3 days without air conditioning. In Las Vegas. In August. While pregnant.

Kill me. Or I might kill someone myself.

First Ultrasound

So last Friday, the husband and I had our first ultrasound. I wasn't really sure what to expect--especially as my husband has never before accompanied me to the gynocologist's office. And yes, it was as awkward and wonderful as you can imagine. So, first the ultrasound tech has me drop trou and lift my dress, and they try to check out little swimmy with a sonogram. No dice. It's too small.

So then, she pulls out a condom, plops it on this long dildo-looking job and pops it right inside of me. I think I really embarrassed my husband when I told the doctor, "If that thing starts vibrating, I am out of here!" The doctor assured me there was no erotica involved. Thank goodness.

After the crude joke portion of the morning was over, we saw our little blob. That's pretty much what it looked like, as you can tell from the picture above. The technician pointed out little swimmy's flickering heartbeat, and we actually got to hear it for a brief second. It was one of the most amazing things I've ever seen. The scoop is that swimmy is officially 6 weeks and 5 days old as of the 6th. So today, swimmy is 7 weeks and 1 day old. Time flies.

Doc gave us the all clear to start telling friends and family the good news, which we've been doing, slowly. We're kind of savoring our little secret for a bit longer.

I feel as big as a house.

For the love of all that is good and holy, my clothes barely fit. I am sitting here, in my fat lady suit, and I swear, it is literally slicing into my muffin top. Oh lord, I am uncomfortable. And I am B-L-O-A-T-E-D. How is it possible for one woman to pee so much, and yet, pooping (yes, I went there) is but a distant memory. Women complain about morning sickness, but I swear to all that is holy, my ballooning abdomen full of God-knows-what is about a million times worse.

Week Six: Growing Pains

I have certainly felt the entire gamut of emotions this week: excited, happy, anxious, sad, and angry. The books are not kidding when they say your hormones are going bananas. They are. My skin looks like it did when I was about sixteen. And my stomach is huge. Not with baby. With bloat. And every once in a while, I feel a funny feeling in my stomach. I'm not talking nausea here, though I certainly feel that from time to time too. It's not quite a cramp, just a small amount of discomfort. The books say what I'm feeling are growing pains in my uterus. Apparently, uteruses (uteri?) are, generally speaking, about the size of a fist. As I close out the sixth week of pregnancy, mine is now the size of grapefruit. And little swimmy inside (whose face is forming this week, along with loads of other things) is the size of a sweet pea. Say it with me now: awww. Also, little swimmy now has little flippers, which will eventually become his or her arms.

Despite all these negative physical symptoms of pregnancy, I am happy. And excited. On Friday, senor husband and I will visit the OB for our first prenatal visit. I wonder what will happen. Rumor has it, if the OB does a transvaginal ultrasound, we'll be able to hear the heartbeat. Amazing.

Finding Out

Well, I guess I've learned a couple of valuable lessons. It really only takes one try. And God invented birth control for a reason. Obviously, hindsight is 20/20, and these are lessons that should have been learned long before the ripe old age of twenty-nine.

But that's all beside the point now. Here I am- knocked up, bloated, feeling like I could eat the world as a light snack (or alternatively, depending on my stomach's mood, toss my cookies). How did this happen, you wonder? Well, actually, you probably don't. And if your mother didn't have the birds and bees talk with you, that's your problem, and I'm not explaining it here. Google it or something. I guess what I meant was- when did this all go down?

Well, there we were, my husband and I, having a lovely time vacationing. A really lovely time if you catch my drift. Four weeks later, I find myself sitting half-naked on the bathroom floor, shivering because the floor's cold and eyeing a preganancy test, wondering whether my eyes might not be deceiving me. A line in the second window. No way. Can't be right. Besides, it's really faint. No need to mention it to senor husband. I'll just pop over to CVS on my way to work and pick up another. This has got to be a mistake.

Arrive at CVS to discover the Fort Knox version of pregnancy test storage compartments. Since when does the drugstore LOCK UP the pregnancy tests? Good Lord. Are women really coming in droves and pilfering pregnancy tests? You must be kidding. So I push the giant button on locked cabinet, which rudely announces, "SALES ASSOCIATE NEEDED IN THE FEMININE HYGIENE AISLE!" Oh. em. gee. If I could have pulled up the carpet and hidden underneath, I would have. Eventually the (male- of course) sales associate arrives, and I explain that I need a pregnancy test. I believe he may have been more embarassed than I was. I take my EPT dual test kit (gotta have two- you know, in case it's wrong like my first one was) to the front of the store, plop it down to pay, and the cashier woman announces, "Boy, I sure am glad I don't have to worry about this anymore." Seriously- is this a freaking cosmic joke here, people?

So I get to work. I'm totally nervous and botch the first one. Invalid result. D'oh. Problem is I don't have to pee anymore, and I can't chug liquids cause that might result in an invalid test. Sigh. So I wait. I am not a patient woman. (Clearly, I will have some trouble with this whole pregnancy thing).

And finally, the urge to tinkle strikes, and I'm back in the bathroom. This time the results are undeniable. A plus sign stares back at me.

God help me. I am knocked up.